why i am not forgetting?
“amma yennulloru namam orthidave romancham akunnatenthe?” അമ്മയെന്നുള്ളൊരു നാമമോർത്തീടവേ രോമാഞ്ചം ആകുന്നതെന്തേ?
oh what a bhajan tonight! amma sang with a full voice.
“ammayennulloru namam orthidave” i love it so much.
these lines are not just written out of imagination by the poet, but they are born out of real experience of his love-bond with amma.
i used to look at the sky and sing
നീളാംബുധിയിലും നീലാംബരത്തിലും നോക്കി
“neelambhudihi yilum neelambudhathilum swetambaramthilum nokki..”
looking into the blue sky, blue ocean, white sky, i stand with my hairs on end.
when i see these i think about you amma. oh kali.. oh shyame.
in the love i forgot everything –
ദാഹവുമില്ല വിശപ്പുമില്ലന്നഹോ സ്നാനദിയും വിട്ടുപോയി
“dahavumilla vishappumillannaho snanadiyum vittu poyi”
– to eat, to drink to sleep at times and and to even meet the calls of nature.. i forgot.
what a love for the divine!
i used to sing this song and cry.
when i could not feel the love, i used to sing with some alteration to the lines.
അമ്മയെന്നുള്ളൊരു നാമമോർത്തീടവേ രോമാഞ്ചം ആകാത്തതെന്തേ ?
“ammayennulloru namam orthidave romancham akathatenthe?
‘അമ്മ എന്നമ്മ ഈ ചിന്തയിൽ ഇന്നുഞാൻ എല്ലാം മറക്കാത്തതെന്തേ ?
amma en amma ee chinthayil innu njan ellam marakkatha tenthe?”
why are my hairs not standing on end when i think of your divine name?
why i am not forgetting everything in the thought ‘amma amma’.
once i even sang like that in front of Amma during darshan. it was before joining the ashram. Amma was giving darshan in the hut with about 10 people around her.
later, after many years, amma told me that she tied me to herself after i sang that song. even though she loves me otherwise, this song was the hook for the divine.
12 sep 2006